And why not, I’ll write another. Hey, so say hi to your boy. Do it, and do it more often than you prefer to, and do it even if the Nile shortens by a mile or two and do it even if the mountains collapse and the seas overflow and the sky rains rocks hitting us all in our respective blocks. Imagine the damage, and overcome it, and if you _are_ the damage, collateral or not, still say hi to your boy, and share the joy.
So my alcoholic antics are under control, either than or I’m in heavy denial. God knows, but it’d be nice if I could be certain about any damn thing some of the damn time. The time and thing being damned aside, certainty is not something I’m good at. Precision I’m getting better at, but oh oh oh pipes the piper.
That knotty bundle of nerves, that tension unremitting, that thing they called heart, what a thing to own. Mine aches from time to time, and the heart fibrillating amounts of caffeine only help to speed past the thing quicker. I dunno, I’ve never known what the point is, but work is a nice island, and a pleasant mirage. Motivation boils down to treating the mirage as something Real more often than not.
–2023
The children run wild in the fields. They are discovering the essence of life, and don’t feel an ounce of guilt, though they might feel a gram of some. And so they smile and they hold hands and jump and scream with their shrill screams and they seek one another, eyes closed counting down to the end of the clock, they are bound to find one another, and even if they can’t they will still try and even if it all goes nowhere they will persevere, so much for the uniqueness of the individual, it is as if in a moment they are all the same, a single team, a single motion, unified in that joy of emotion, that emotion of joy.
Fast forward some 15 years and they need help to get them to the same place. They need crutches, they need substances, they need bass, they need sex, they need attention, they need more than they can have, and they need it all the time, they need, they need, they need. And how much and by when, and with whom, they know. Why? God knows, I suspect. Fuck em all. I’m better, and I’ve been better, and I stay better. Even back when I was a bed wetter and couldn’t play in the fields because they beat me stiff and blue in school hallways and bathroom stalls, even back then I was better. So in my silent place, in my private chambers I forced my mind into decisions that I refuse to regret, and today I stand tall and proud in no need of need, in low spirits indeed but looking down on those poor fools, those silly mammals those high brow camels, those pathetic shambles that as children chimed so sweetly.
I’m your pusher man, I have what you need, so pay your bill.
– 2036
– 2048-
I need to speak and if I cannot then you will do it for me. I’ll handle your jaw with my hand, little puppet, speak and don’t forget to make those words leap out your throat as if they were meant, and make sure my time is not misspent, for suckers like you are cheap and time is money.
Aren’t you tired of the same things happening on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday and then pretending that something new will occur on Thursday? Self delusion, sweeter than sweet lies, because even if they are meant it’s more expensive. What can I say? If anything it would probably have to be something that you couldn’t handle on a good day, and today is a horrible one, the type that occurs when you forget what you are attempting to achieve. And the necessary desire has been forgotten and stashed in some dark closet, locked and reopened by British excavators, newly visiting the lands north of the equator, stolen and resold, and by some odd means returning to their master after their massive untold struggles unfold, and even then you are unsure, so embrace this trust and talk as I thrust.
The history of this thing, my message, is long and needs no forgetting and even less regretting. If I could explain, then I would but since you re doing it for me, then you shall unfold it for me, and you will do just fine, you’ve been preparing for it for quite a while, since I’ve been your friend since before you knew my name I’ve been there since the beginning and I’ll make it to the end, you have nothing to fear you have no reason to bleed you can chime in as you need…
–2105
2125–
I’m making no sense and even if I made more sense on the average I would still have to make it dense, and would still have to prepare the fence for the shooting of the guards and the fence cannot face the slaughters And I cannot stand the tears and I cannot bear the years and maybe you shall share your expertise?
Bitch I make chump change out of fools like yourself and you are nothing but a tub of salt in an ocean of guilt, so where’s the boat? I sent out the SOS hours ago, and just a guess, its not here yet? Right, well, tell me please what am I to do? Even if it was up to me, which it never has been, the angels refuse to descend and help me transcend, and don’t act like I didn’t try, because I did and don’t call me bitter because I’m downright acidic, fuck a pH scale, I’ll make you choke on the inhale or on the exhale, quixotic tonic, got you thinking of turnstiles and styles erotic, like chocolate cake and that temptress topic, silly mammals listen to slivering snakes, like they don’t know no better…
So I want to arrive in the park in full gear prepared for the new year like Santa Claus, with the latest words from my lawyer, paying attention to the payment clause. I need the understanding that I’ve been demanding, It’s a contract and my head’s been expanding, don’t call it an ego, because that shit’s forbidden, and only sometimes forgiven, assuming you are clever and keep it hidden. So prepare your defense and make sure you are ready for the run and the jump above and across the fence, because if you can’t hack it, it’ll hack you, the devil’s in the detail and sometime now it’ll get you.
–2135
